old emails

i am such a pack rat.

recently, i had my room cleaned by two friends who really WANTED to clean my room for me. i was grateful, and i must say, i haven't ever seen my room be so spotless before. but as we were organizing and putting things into garbage bags, i was reminded of how much i hold on to old things for unnecessary periods of time. clothes i'd never wear but hold on to because of some meaning, old pens and stationary, broken jewelry, receipts.. etc.. i always have a hard time letting go of these things.

but even though my closet is a lot more empty now, it doesn't mean that my mind or heart have been cleared of the past.

no matter how much you want to forget and let go of the past, sometimes it creeps upon you without notice. like today, i was just going through old emails and deleting spam, and came across some emails that seemed so genuine and real at the time.. but a couple years later, here i am reading those same words and they have absolutely no truth in them now. it's scary how people's feelings and thoughts change. it just proves that you cannot trust anyone in this world except for God. He is the only one that will never cheat, never fail, never disappoint you.

i hope and pray that i will soon be able to let go of some things in my past. but it's not that easy when i sometimes catch myself digging through the bags of garbage to be thrown out. i think i'm a pack rat in the sense that i strongly think that some things will come back or come in to use someday. but i really must work on that part of myself so that i can move on without any extra baggage... because sometimes it's just so darn heavy.