almost a decade

i had this sudden twang of feeling that made me take a step back and look at my surroundings. i almost don't want to be surrounded by the same people anymore. the kind that i'm so used to and so comfortable with... i almost want to immerse myself in a new culture and become familiar with the unfamiliar just to get out of my comfort zone and to taste what other flavors there are out there for me.

it's true that i've been within this "group" that might not be any more than another social group, for almost ten years. this place i call church has been a part of my life, and maybe it's become a lifestyle for me to a certain extent. but why do i limit myself to clinging on only to the korean brothers and sisters of this society, of this world? we are all made to love one another no matter what class, gender or race we are.

and what is it that is making me hold back? i've wanted to taste the waters of another well for some long time now, but there's always been something to hold me back and leave me at the same old well that i've been at. it's not like i'm some sort of saviour that might i stay, the walls of the church would come crashing down or the pews will suddenly be packed and joyous hands will be lifted... it's not like that. it is not my church but it is God's. but why do i keep thinking that i can do something to stir this well? why do i feel that if i leave, my absence will be of some significance that i cannot bear to leave? i am not a saviour. i am not God. God is God and the church is His... only He can change it and those within....

now... if only my brothers and sisters would get slapped in the face by SOMETHING to realize what mess they are in! their souls are so dark and angry, so confused, lost and bitter that they have grown to become apathetic about their spirituality and relationship with their first true love.

God... slap them.
slap us.
slap me.