fear

i have this problem where i am deathly afraid of man. (not men as in boys and cooties, but man as in human).

and "deathly" afraid is an overstatement but it's somewhat close... i lack words at the moment.

the thought of it is SO bizarre, though, that i would fear an equal... that i would fear man. what can man do to me? if i proclaim that i have all i need and my treasures are stored in a place other than this world, then why would i FEAR man? i have no reason to...

it's a struggle that i am trying to get over.. this fear of man that i have, i don't want it to get any bigger than it is now. it could potentially keep me from doing what i love, it could stab me behind my back, and it will stunt any growing in faith.

why are we so afraid of what people think of us? rejection? rejection from fellow sinners? we should focus on being accepted into the kingdom of God instead... but maybe we're already accepted, and we just have to follow through on the invitation...

i think i have a lot of random things going through my mind right now. i wish i were more rooted in the Word so i could better understand my own questions regarding the gospel. i need doctrine! what do i even believe? how do people attend church and say they are christian when they do not know faith and its complexity...