keys

i was reminded of how much i enjoy playing the piano. it's been a while since i've played any classical pieces (not that i was good at playing them anyways) but for a big chunk of my life, i've taken piano lessons. on and off for about 6 years or so? today i sat down and started to do what i used to do a lot a couple years ago... :) and though it was not even for an hour, i enjoyed it. i love making music, trying to write lyrics, writing songs.. there's something so refreshing and relieving about it. sometimes you can't express your thoughts through words or through typing out a blog - but if you just play the right notes on a piano, and are lucky to think of a line to sing along with those chords, then it's like you've just hit that "sweet spot" - just as you do when hitting back a tennis ball with a great racket...

i caught a glimpse of my dad fixing his record player a little bit ago, and i realized that... hey, on paper, my dad sounds pretty hip and cool. he's done a lot of random things in his life... has a facebook account, went on a cruise by himself (to clear his mind, i think, after his mom had passed) to mexico, made his own classical guitar, collects records and listens to them on his used record player, and listens to k-pop groups like Girl's Generation. i don't think i've spoken to either of my parents for more than a total of 10 minutes, maybe, in the past 2 weeks. there is just a huge lack of communication in this house... i don't know why.

it's not like we are fighting, or are even mad at each other. we are just... an awkward family when it comes to family-things. rarely do we ever sit and eat a meal together, and when we do, it's usually silent. i think BECAUSE i feel the distance between us, it makes me not want to reach out any more. i always use the excuse of, "oh, when i grow older, i'll mature and be able to talk to them as an adult." but time is so unpredictable.. who knows if there will even be a tomorrow?

if i could, i'd love to stop time... and go away somewhere by myself and immerse myself in a new culture. i think i'm pretty good at being by myself, and i actually don't mind being "lonely" as some might categorize it. i can find lots of ways to pass time, and i'd really love to just take a train or a plane somewhere... and live by myself again for a few weeks or so. :)

until that can become a reality... it's back to homework...