when to take a seat

today, as i was heading out the door from my brief internship hour at The Voice (a free newspaper for the nonprofit organization, Neighborhood House), i made eye contact with the executive director as he was sitting in his office. i noticed that his door was always wide open - which allowed us to always share hellos and smiles as i made my way out the door.

but today, due to meeting deadlines and preparing for an annual breakfast event, i only stayed in my part of the office for half the time i usually am there. this allowed me to take my time with executive director, Mark, and to sit down and be enlightened.

it was awkward at first, i was standing leaning against the doorway talking to him about the speech he had to prepare, and how i took a speech course once... and we talked about speeches for about 10 minutes. then i realized that this conversation was going to get deeper and more meaningful than i had thought - so i asked if i could take a seat.

and that's when he started talking about non-profits, and what the difference really was, and why he chose to take a cut in wage when he was making double the amount he was now, when he had worked for a government-related job (before Neighborhood House). he also told me about a mentor that might be of help to me, and was extremely helpful when i asked him stupid questions regarding what a non-profit was about, and how i wasn't sure of the field i was going into, and so on.

then he emails me (which was bittersweet; i wanted to send him a thank you note first, but he beat me to it...), giving me another reference and another connection to a different company... he has many friends in high places, i'm assuming. and he asked me to keep him updated on my schooling and interests.

i've never had a real opportunity like this fall onto my lap so randomly, and i almost don't know how to take it. but i'm determined to make this connection a tight one, because i really like the man and he seems very trustworthy.

anyways. i'm just feeling really good about that talk this morning and how encouraging his words were. the conversation was about 40 minutes.

each experience will lead you closer and closer to your ultimate career; the thing you are passionate about. here's a line he just emailed me:

"Along your journey you will amass friends, colleagues and acquaintances who will serve as important resources to you. You will learn to sort out the positive, healthy people and as long as you too are positive and healthy, you will attract those individuals into your life." -Mark Okazaki.

hotels to libraries

i had an extremely brief conversation with a local librarian today as she was on the phone with a librarian at another branch, asking about the book i had put on hold. in between reading out the call number and saying "thank you," she managed to ask me about the book i checked out, if it had to do anything with my major, and if i was planning on taking summer classes. i told her that the book i checked out was to help me on an essay i had to write, and that my major was communications-related, but i didn't know if that was the field i wanted to go into, and that i was looking for an internship and a job this summer.
in return, the lady librarian told me that she declared her major in hotel management, and that she had done some work related to that for several years in vermont, until she figured that it was time to give back to her community in some way. for the past eighteen years, she has been a librarian, and i could tell from the way she talked about it, that being a librarian was her passion. she loves what she does so much.

so, i feel somewhat at ease... a bit more at peace after talking with this stranger with frizzy red hair and glasses. she kind of reminded me of carrie from "sex and the city." i am in no hurry to graduate (especially in these economic times), and i should just shoot for one thing and go at it for a while, until another, stronger passion and desire strikes me.

now the catch is... where do i start? what IS that first desire of mine, and what road do i want to take a drive on first?

rest in peace

my dad told me that today his mother passed away in Korea.

he said it was a good thing that i had gone to see her this past year while i was in Korea from August to January. i wish i had said a more sincere goodbye.

you just never know when your time will come... you only know that it will.

now, i don't have any grandparents. my mom's father died when she was my age, and her mother died a few years ago, along with my dad's father.

i'm sure it's like this with a lot of people out there, but when your loved one loses a loved one, it really hurts. i was never too close with my grandmother in Seoul, but to know that my father now has no parents, and no mother to call once in a while, just hurts me. the same applies to my mom.

i'm supposed to write an obituary, after i've supposedly lived a long and filling life, for a class by this wednesday. in it, i'm supposed to tell of the things that i (would like to) have done, and the things most dear to me, and so on. i haven't thought it about too much yet, but i suppose i should get started soon. it's not supposed to be a depressing assignment though-- instead, it's supposed to help us figure out and map out what is really meaningful to us and what we would have like to accomplished before our time is up...

--
i got back from Boston yesterday to see my best friend graduate from BU. it's amazing how fast time flies and how things have changed throughout the span of just four years of life.

i guess i'm just in wonder and in awe of what time on earth really means, and how long we have. the only answer i can think of is that it is uncertain and we don't know.

letting go but holding on

it's interesting to try to grasp the concept of forgetting someone whom you've shared a meaningful relationship with - whether it be a friendship, boy/girlfriend, mother/father, etc.
usually, you are "letting go" but you don't really want to because of the initial bond that underlies everything else... including all hatred, jealousy, and bitterness.

i know that i have been "let go" of before, and once i realized that our relationship no longer meant what it had been for so many years, i was pretty shocked. devastated, sad and confused, yet shocked above all else because i never would have thought that they would let go so easily. there was no gruesome war or fist fight... which made it really hard to swallow my pride and come to the reality that we were no longer friends, because of that person's choice to let go.

i'm not sure really where i'm going with this, but recently i've been thinking about my relationships with people, and what i mean to them and them to me. some of these people whom i know, i love and care for so much that i will probably never allow myself to let go of them, even if they try to detach themselves from me.
but then again, who knows what could happen? my thoughts can always change...
so i think the only answer is the one i despise most: time.

only through time will you grow to love, and only through time will you slowly lose grip and finally let go.