nyc, you were so good to me

I recently spent ten days in New York with friends (January 6-16th) and eye-raped the hell out of New York City.

The City is a place full of high-rise buildings, young fashionistas, suited professionals, and hungry people. I was inspired to get on the working bandwagon, or to pursue a dream as soon as I got on my plane to come home to Seattle.

Wooden chairs

Did you know that a "hard" fart on a wooden chair is not a smart move? The chair does not compliment the fart, let me tell ya.

I was sitting at a Starbucks the other day, job-hunting and brushing up my resume, with my huge Sony headphones on.. and out came the most unexpected "hard" fart on this little wooden chair I was seated upon. What I thought would come out to be a soft "hiss" of a fart, was totally wrong. Bad judgment. The best part is, I was not even 4 feet away to the couple seated by me who were engaged in serious conversation for at least twenty minutes. When I realized that... I got hot, embarrassed, red in the face, etc... but acted as if it were nothing but the squeak of a shoe.

Sometimes, you go on pretending that things didn't happen, when in fact, they most certainly did. It is not easy to come face to face with reality sometimes (especially when it bites) but how else are you ever going to overcome the things you are afraid of? How else would you ever come to being comfortable in your own skin?

Quite frankly, it may take one "hard" fart on a wooden chair. One fart at a time... here we go!

time of transition

i think i might have avoided blogging for a while because i was afraid of what i would write.

tomorrow (well, today, wednesday) i will turn in my last BS-ed paper as an undergraduate student. my last paper, ever. i spent this summer catching up on my last credits so that i could graduate "on time" but i kind of.... just a tad bit.... regret having taken summer quarter. now it leaves me face to face with post-grad realities that i do not want to face. but come tomorrow at noon, i am there.

hello, how do you do?

i am easily inspired and easily influenced. this is why i must tackle the good inspirations and positive influences to rev me up to do great things in life, without being a lazy bum waiting for such things. tonight, i found one inspiration: P!NK, the artist, who performed a phenomenal song at the Grammys this past year, displayed such a passionate performance of her song, "Glitter in the Air." i've probably seen the clip 100 times by now, and pretty sure that i've shed a few tears while watching it some time ago. her face at the end of the clip is priceless.

i want that feeling... the feeling of accomplishment, that feeling of, "wow.. what just happened was amazing, and i was a part of it." i want that.

where do i want to go next? i have so many options in front of me.

i am so lucky, so blessed to have supporting parents. sure, they'll question me sometimes, but if i love something or have a goal, they are not parents who would block me from such opportunities- instead, they would help pave a road for me. i could travel, i could move.. i could go back to school, i could work... i could do a lot of things. the confusing part is choosing the door. which do i open?

i love the ambiguity and vagueness of not knowing. but society doesn't. society and people, my peers even, do not like people without a plan. but what's the rush? i am a mere 22 year old girl. i've got at least a few years ahead of me to do what ever the hell i feel like. as long as it's sound, of course. i do not want to become an irrational person.

articulation

why is story-time always the favorite time of day for schoolchildren? it's obviously because there is something behind the telling of a story that intrigues humans' minds to focus, concentrate, listen, and think. aside from nap time and snack time - a wonderful story or book spoken to students by a teacher is probably one of the most precious moments of pre-school/kindergarten.

no one wants to listen to a bad story, though.

instead... try animating it by using hand motions, changing the tone of your voice, and strategically using (or not using) direct eye contact.

i am not a good storyteller, but i would like to be.

peeves

everyone has random but specific things that make them cringe. they call these things "pet peeves," and i would like to list mine, in no particular order:

1. when guys wear Express polos with the huge lion or tiger logo on it and think that they're the ish. i'm sorry... you're not.

2. people, especially guys, who type "ya" when saying "yeah" as a response... not my preference.

i will add to this list as things come to mind.

family

i have a new found love for my family tonight. and it's so rare that i find myself imagining this, repeating this scene in my head - it sounds like a typical dinner scene from a movie: my aunts, uncles, mom and dad gathered around our dining room area, sharing in a time of laughter and love.

i know that my family has gone through so much hurt and pain the past several years. the death of mothers, death of fathers, death of children. death and dying is a really sensitive issue in this family. and i sincerely reflect upon their lives this memorial day weekend. i know what it is like to have lost and then loved, though usually it's common that one loves and then loses. i can't help but love my family even more so now than ever before. i know i have their full on support, but i have so much fucking pride within me, i cannot express to them how grateful i am just for their presence, for their cooking, for their homemade cakes, for their hand-me-downs.

i just really hope that somehow, God or something will be able to let them know that i love them so much and i would do anything for their benefit if i could. i am just overwhelmed with love right now, i feel so loved and i feel so much love for them. but at the same time, i really regret not showing them the affection that they so desperately need. since most or all of them do not go to church, they've never experienced what that type of 'family' is like. granted, a lot of churches are stereotyped and have cliques and give off bad vibes and impressions... but if we dig deep and look at what holds these churches all together, it's purely by the grace of God. i know that i've tasted what's good, and so i'll never forget it.

it's hitting me now. i'm graduating from college... finally. i feel so lucky and privileged to have attained this degree that so many cannot even ever dream to afford.

i need confirmation, support, guidance. but God, it's been so long.

wrapping it up

i'm having fun.

i am 21 years old, 22 in just 3 weeks. graduating college, and as of now, i don't have a "career" right out of school, but i'm not stressing about it because...

i'm having fun.

and isn't that what life is all about? you only live once: meet new people, have fun, try to avoid mistakes and make connections along the way.

sometimes i regret that i hadn't pursued music. some people may think that i didn't really have a genuine talent, or that girl drummers were just not legit - but i'm not saying that i've always wanted to be a professional drummer. i just don't want to end my relationship with music, ever.

since my parents have been out of town this week, i had the WONDERFUL opportunity of having the house to myself. this means, that i could play the piano and sing my heart out at 2am without a worry.

I MISS IT!!! I MISS MAKING MUSIC. I MISS RECORDING. I MISS GOING TO THE STUDIO. I MISS AUTO-TUNE.

feeling very nostalgic now... just in time for finals. one more week, and come thursday.... game over.